Listen
by Tigtig2003
Summary: Sherlock and John have been together for a while and are in one of their regular fights when John goes to far in his anger and doesn't listen to an upset sherlock. Johnlock, boy/boy, self harm
1. Chapter 1

PLEASE ENJOY THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THIS JOHNLOCK STORY

Sherlock and John were in another fight. They were used to then but this one was the biggest so far and it started how they always do, with sherlock saying something with our care that hurt someone's feelings. So now they're sleeping in separate bedrooms for the first time in months.

Sherlock was having a hard time getting to sleep, he missed the familiar feeling of warmth surrounding him, that would run his fingers through his hair and keep all thoughts of drugs from his mind. It was his own fault and he knew it. It was just who sherlock was, giving blunt answers and not caring for the consequences. But if he knew this would be the consequence he would of never opened his worthless mouth.

He could just barely resist the urge to grab a knife and slice into his arm with it just like he did when he was a young boy, just like he could barely resist calling his old supplier and sinking a needle into his veins.he knew that if he did any of those he would accidently kill himself and he didn't really want to to die just numb the pain.

So sherlock sank into sleep, fresh tears streaming down the usually composed consulting detective's face

He lifted his head and immediately noticed he was tied to a chair, it would take him multiple minutes to be able to loosen the bonds holding his limbs to it. He started to wiggle his hands while he looked around the room and stopped dead in his tracks

"Moriarty" sherlock whispered looking at the grinning man

"why, why sherlock it's good of you to join us"

"us?" sherlock asked sneering " who have you got to join you and play you're stupid games"

"why sherlock I thought you would remember me" John said stepping out of the shadows to stand beside Jim

"after all I am the only person who you have ever truly loved"

Sherlocks breath hitched and it was suddenly barely painful to breathe

"hmm I want this quick… so I think I'll just slice you up a bit till you die from bloodless. And what a sight it will be seeing the light drain from the eyes of the world's best detective"

Sherlock starts to struggle the situation finally starting to sink in only for the restraints to tighten and cut off circulation to his limbs

Moriarty reaches into his pocket and pulls out two switchblades and passes one to John. They both slowly approach him a sinister smile that sherlock has ever seen a lights John's features as John makes the first incision two the top of his shoulder

The both slash him excessively and sherlock screams for John to help him over and over again, sherlock let's out another terrified scream as John slashes his neck open. In his finally second sherlock let's out a silent scream and watches how John leans in "you're a worthless freak and you know it"

Sherlock wakes his mouth open as if he's screaming, as tears and sobs escape the terrified man's mouth. Sherlock immediately reaches for John only to realize that he's not in bed with him. Which makes him panic more until he remembers their fight and he quickly stands and practically runs to John's room with tears and sobs escaping from his eyes and mouth

Sherlock takes a second to make his crying less noticeable. He then knocks and whispers in a strained voice "john" after receiving no answer he opens the door only to see that John is awake and glaring at him menacingly

"joh-" sherlock sobs only to be let out by John pointing at the door and saying "get out sherlock" in a harsh voice

"I'm sorry John, but I ne-" sherlock trys to get out before John replies "I really don't care sherlock,just, just get out of my room. We'll talk tomorrow"

"plea-"

"get out sherlock NOW" John yells

With shaky hands that are even more scared than before sherlock slowly closes the door, and the last thing he sees John do is glare one last time before plopping ungracefully on his side facing away from the door

All he can see in the hallway is darkness, and for the first time since he and John got together he feels scared, and well worthless, just like Moriarty said he was. But it doesn't matter more Moriarty is dead and John loves him… at least he thinks he does.

Sherlock is still sobbing but is trying to repress it so John doesn't here him. as he makes his way towards the kitchen he stumbles but doesn't make to much noise, well not more noise than usual.

He grabs the handle for the utensil drawer that John keeps clean and pulls, he immediately reaches for the sharpest knife that he can find and pulls it out.

He slowly sits down so his legs are crossed and efficiently rolls his sleeve up. He can still see the faded white lines from when he first cut and he can't help but want to see the red liquid ooze from his arm and slide to the ground

He places the blade at his arm and takes a second to think rationally. What would John think, would he be mad, disappointed, would he even care. Of course he would care he loves you a voice whispers in his head. If he loved you then he would of listened when you went to him for help he reasons with himself

John wouldn't care he decides as he makes the first incision to his arm, he watches with glee as he sees the blood form on top of the cut in small circles. He quickly follows the small cut with many others that differ with length and depth, but never cutting to deep to be fatal.

Very quickly he finds himself becoming dizzy from the blood loss and is fighting the black spots that have appeared in his vision. It's not fatal sherlock realizes, I'll wake up tomorrow. He gives in and passes out in the middle of the kitchen floor with crimson blood still flowing from his wrists that are just starting to clot


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so here is the 2nd chapter, i have all the chapters for this story finished and am already writing a sequal but their are 4 chapters in this story and i have yet to post 2 of them. here it is i hope you enjoy reading** it **as much as i did writing it.**

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The next morning John wakes up late for work and doesn't even attempt to find sherlock to say goodbye. He's still to mad at him to even realize sherlock is in a puddle of his own blood in their shared flat.

He just rushes out of the apartment without grabbing something to eat from the kitchen and a full intent of grabbing something from the good section of the cafeteria in the hospital. He doesn't realize how upset sherlock was from being denied the comfort he wanted, no needed. He doesn't realize how far back in their relationship John just set them back when he denied sherlock and inevitably broke the trust that John had so carefully earned. He doesn't realize that sherlock is lying in their kitchen floor with slit wrists and could possibly be dead.

All he realizes is that he's mad at sherlock, just for sherlock being who he was and that sherlock needs to realize that when they're In a fight sherlock can't simply wake him up to talk to him.

For the first time in months John doesn't make sherlock breakfast that John expects him to eat, if he did he would of found sherlock and realized what an idiot he's been.

John doesn't believe that sherlock deserves his kindness but the thing is sherlock doesn't believe he deserves it either.

Sherlock still lays on the kitchen floor he hasn't moved an inch from where he was last night, his body is trying to gain the blood he lost last night. But even though sherlock lays there as still as the dead, he dreams, he dreams of different things that range from happy to sad and from John to unicorns. Sherlock has nightmares where he's crying, screaming even but his body does nothing just stays as still as the porcelain doll that Sherlock's outside body looks like.

He has dreams that aren't anywhere close to being real, like sherlock giving birth to a wonderful baby boy, that would never happen because no matter how much sherlock wants kids, John dislikes them. So no matter how much he wants them he'll never get them, unless he and John breakup. Somehow his most happy dreams always turn to nightmares.

He also has dreams about John dying that are completely fictional and would never happen but somehow they can be compared to Sherlock's need for kids but never getting them. They are both depressing and make sherlock burst into tears when he's not dreaming and actually thinking about children or john dying.

Then he has these dreams , dreams that are based off of reality, where sherlock is sitting in John's lap and they're watching TV, or they're cuddling and drinking coffee after a difficult case.

But the worst dreams are also based off reality, like how right now sherlock is dreaming about how John wouldn't help him when he needed it, but in his dream world it's always a life and death situation and John still reacts the same as the night before. He refuses to help him. No matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs and pleads, John tells him to to leave, and it's the worst nightmare he's ever had, and probably the only dream he's going to remember in the morning.

Because he's still laying on the ground covered in his own blood and he's either going to wake up on his own and pretend he never almost killed himself, or someone's going to find him and they're going to call an ambulance an he's going to be on suicide watch for the next 72 hours when there's much more interesting things he could be doing.

And either thing is going to mentally scar sherlock especially if it's John that decides to call an ambulance.

It's been two hours and sherlock has regained some color to his otherwise pale face, he's also started twitching. He twitches when his dreams become intense, sometimes in a good way but most in a bad.

For the first time he dreams about how depressed he used to be how he used to take a blade to his wrist from the time he was eleven til he was fourteen and realized that it didn't help. It became an addiction, and no matter how much he thought he could control it he couldn't. It's just like his drug usage but sherlock stopped that before it really started.

Sherlock turns his head to the side it's the biggest reaction he's had to dream so far. But no matter how much he twitches he still shows no sign of waking up.

Mrs Hudson is upstairs sleeping peacefully and not worrying about sherlock to much because she believes that John would protect sherlock with his life. If she would of came downstairs to make sherlock tea like she usually would on a Saturday she would of saw the person she thought of as a son laying their blood smeared over his undeniably beautiful features and slim body.

Sally Donovan from the police department, she's working on signing and altering reports. If right now on the news it said that sherlock Holmes attempted suicide. What would she do, would she drop her pen in shock, would she feel tears start to gather at the corner of the eyes. But most of all would she feel remorseful for every single time she called sherlock a freak. Would sherlock accept her apology when she visits Sherlock's hospital room right when visiting hours start.

What would molly hooper do when she received word of Sherlock's mental state from lestrade, would she fall to her knees and cry for the love of her life that never loved her back. Would she cry for a close friend that trusted her enough to confide in his sexuality with. Would she regret not spending more time with sherlock.

If sherlock is found before he wakes, would anyone believe him that this wasn't an attempted suicide.

But sherlock is still laying in his own dried blood, and he so close to waking up and forgetting he ever even took the knife and mutilated his own wrist.


	3. Chapter 3

I planned on posting this later but I cant contain myself anymore so her it is, only one more chapter needs to be posted

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Mycroft cleans Sherlock's blood from the white tiles and carefully carries Sherlock to his room. From their it doesn't take long for Mycroft to change Sherlock's blood stained clothing and start searching for anything that Sherlock might be able to use to harm himself and lock it inside the safe that he had in hidden in the spare room that he will be using for his stay.

He feeds sherlock lunch and seats in John's favorite armchair to await his arrival. All he wants to do is slice John's throat and watch him die slow and painfully from bloodless but first he wants to know what happened, because sherlock has refused to tell him and John may not even be aware of Sherlock's current mental state.

It doesn't take long for Mycroft to hear the sound of keys sliding into the lock and he straitens his back in anticipation.

The door swings open and a relatively neat looking John places his work bag beside the door.

"hello John it's very unpleasant to see you again" Mycroft voice startles John from where he was placing his shoes and causes him to almost falling over.

"what an equally unpleasant surprise mycroft" John says adjusting his shirt for it to appear less crumpled. "and what do I owe the honors for this visit."

"well I have recently become aware of your and my brothers… relationship, and had wished to check on you."

"well as you can see here we are fine, now can you leave me and sherlock need to have a discussion."

Mycroft's face suddenly hardens and he can feel a small pool of blood start the form from where his fingernails dug into the skin of his palm.

"you will go no where near sherlock. But you will grab your clothing and leave until late I provide you with further accommodations."

John's face quickly turns to panic and his yes sweep their shared apartment in hopes to see if sherlock is here.

"wears sherlock? Why did he not inform me he was leaving."

"oh he didn't leave" the older Holmes brother says smugly while wiping the blood from his hands onto his black trousers.

"then why do I have to leave."

"that's the question my dear Watson, that you should of been able to answer if you paid attention to sherlock."

John wring his hands together trying to remember if their was anything sherlock had done that was out of the normal. Suddenly he remembered something. "is… is this about what happened last night."

"i don't know watson, but if you tell me then I might be able to clarify a few things for you"

All John could think about was sherlock was he okay, would he be okay, and what happens after he told him to leave last night.

"well… we were fighting like usually but sherlock he… came to my room last night, in the middle of the night to try talking to me but, but I just kept interrupting him and told him to leave. What happened?"

Mycroft suddenly put all the pieces together. His brother had gone to John for help and been denied, so he ran to the kitchen and found a release that he thought would help. So this was all John's fault, and John didn't even know he was hurting sherlock, but if he was in a relationship with his brother than he had to of known that sherlock is sensitive to being denied like that. Damn it to sherlock that would be utterly humiliating.

Mycroft gave himself a few minutes to calm himself and think over what he was hoping to tell John but that time was enough for John to go from calm and collected to freaking the fuck out. All he could think about was where sherlock was and that this was most likely all of his fault.

"john… sherlock had a relapse last night, it was most likely in the kitchen as that's where I discovered him this morning."

John was stunned, he collapsed to the floor his mind trying time imaging in gruesome detail as sherlock plunged a needle into his beautiful body in order to get rid of the pain that John wouldn't acknowledge .

"what drug did he use" are the only words that he can think of to say.

Mycroft for a second is stunned, John doesn't know about the self harm. He has to tell him and he fully expects John to break into tears as by the looks of John nearly losing it to the thought of sherlock on drugs.

"no John he didn't relapse with drugs… he relapsed with self harm."

John had felt relieved for a second but this sherlock self harming was worse, way worse than sherlock on drugs could ever be. And John didn't even know he used to self harm in the first place.

"he lost a lot of blood but if sherlock wanted to be dead then he would of been so we can declare that he wasn't attempting to end his life, just his pain for a little while."

John's face brightened and Mycroft only caught a glimpse of it before it disappeared from the doctor's face entirely .

Mycroft was having a hard time sticking with his decision to make John stay away from sherlock, it seems that John had cared more for his younger brother than he originally thought.

He watched as the young man tried to control the roller coaster of emotions he was going through but eventually allowed the departure of a few tears that looked as if they were having a race down the younger Watson's face.

John would be allowed to stay, if and only if sherlock wants him to and even then John has to listen to everything Mycroft has to say or John's going to be sleeping on the curb right next to all of his belongings and there's nothing sherlock can say or do to stop him.


	4. Chapter 4

here is the final chapter let me know if you want a sequal(it will probably be more angsty than this)

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John and Mycroft sit uncomfortably across from each other in their wait for sherlock to retern from his room. But John he's not as uncomfortable as he should be by the almost hateful glare that sherlock's way to protective brother has been sending him for the last 20 minutes. All he can think about is Sherlock, and how he caused him to carve lines into his beautiful skin in his own blood.

He hopes that sherlock can forgive him but if he's being honest with himself he doesn't believe he deserves the smaller man's acceptance and would understand if he wants him to leave.

Last night John had heard sherlock knock at his door and glared at it as if it had ran over his dog, he had told sherlock, even though he had seen the tears and heard the sniffles than he had said that he didn't want to hear what his boyfriend had to say.

He regretted every choice he had made last night and this morning but John knew he couldn't change the past but only alter the future.

Sherlock at least deserved an apology from him but John he would give him the world if sherlock were to smile at him with that contagious smile at least one more time.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt Mycroft's gaze become absent from his insistent staring and he looked in the only direction that would cause Mycroft to shift his focus so quickly, the hallway that leads to sherlock's room.

There he is, it's the first time John has seen him since the previous night and he's just as beautiful as always. except this time he has heavy gauze wrapped around one of his wrist and he can see how fragile and thin sherlock looks when he wraps his arms around his torso in what looks like to be an attempt for sherlock to comfort himself.

Sherlock looks back and forth between John and Mycroft, but it looks as if he's trying to figure out a puzzle by the way his eyes are shifting all around the room as in oppose to just the two living breathing life forms that are currently sitting in his and John's shared living room.

"what is with all this intentional starring" sherlock says I his normal brisk tone while shifting his posture into a more confident one.

"brother… I would like to have you honest opinion of something" Mycroft says after giving a brief look in John's direction.

"yes, what is it" Sherlock says unconsciously running his fingers at the top of the gauze and fixing the creases.

"do you wish for John to keep living in this house?"

Sherlock runs his fingers through his curly hair and looks at John's feet, all while emotions flash across Sherlock's face faster that either of the older man can pick up and label.

"if that's what John… wishes. Then he can stay" he says finally meeting the retired army doctors eyes.

John feels the breath escape from his lungs as he sees the fear and longing in Sherlocks eyes that the younger Holmes brother has no way to hide.

"I will stay, but at if any point I hurt you or make you uncomfortable you will tell me."

"maybe" sherlock say switch his normal cheery attitude laced into his reply.

Suddenly Mycroft feels like he's barged in a completely intimate moments even when he's been her from the very beginning.

Mycroft stands off and lightly grabs Sherlock's chin to bring him to eye level,"you will tell me if he does anything, understand?"

"yeh" sherlock breaths subconsciously leaning into his brother's touch. Then Mycroft is gone, most likely in his room but also listening to their conversation in case Mycroft needs to beat the fuck out of John for any reason, the most likely one being his little brother.

Sherlock stands there for a few second before he is sitting in the place that Mycroft sat not even moments ago.

John feels the need to say or do anything so he slowly gets up while trying to be the most quiet even though he knows sherlock knows that he is aware of him standing but he doesn't care. He gets down on his knees for sherlock and cups Sherlock's face with his hands. Sherlock hesitantly meets John's eyes and when they finally meet it's as if they're stuck together in a moment to which only they exist.

"I am so sorry sherlock, you deserve so much better."

"no, I...I don't want better I just want you, and for you to be their when I need it."

"from this point on I will always be their because i know you're human, no matter how much you try to convince me you're not. It's just another reason to why I love you and I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you just how much."

"I love you too" sherlock murmurs slowly climbing off of the couch to sit on John's now occupied lap.

" and please never hurt yourself again, even if we're in a fight know that you can come to me with this and I won't do what I did last night,I promise."

"you better keep your word Mr watson because if you hurt me again I will make you're life a living hell."

"okay, now let's get you some food and I'll clean those bandages."

"do you think you can manage all of that john."

"of course now go get all cuddled up in you're bed I just have to talk to you annoying brother about what take away we should get."

Sherlock hums in agreement as he stands up. John and Mycroft are just about to leave the house as they hear sherlock shout "sushi," from his bedroom.

John and Mycroft both know that sherlock has some problems but they also know that sherlock will get over them with their help and If either one of them see Sally Donovan she is going to regret ever calling sherlock a freak.

~~~~THE END~~~~


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